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segunda-feira, 2 de novembro de 2009

Maldito feriado estendidooo


Olá...
Estou meio triste, não estou levando a dieta a risca. Alias, neste feriadão, eu comi mto!!! Devo ter engordado uns 3 quilos mais!!

"No princípio eram as trevas. Aí Deus criou o couvert. Depois do couvert vieram as entradas, depois das entradas, o pernil. Depois do pernil veio a farofa, a maionese e o feijão tropeiro, além da cerveja, é claro, bem gelada, que não podia faltar. Deus achou tudo aquilo muito bom mas achava que faltava um doce. Aí apareceu o quindim, depois do quindim veio o café. O café e um licor. E a conta.
 
A gordura é a desgraça do mundo moderno.

Vendo que estava engordando, tomei uma coca cola e uma decisão drástica: Vou comer menos. E para mostrar que não estava brincando entrei imediatamente num Mc Donald`s e pedi um Big Mac sem cebola. Começou aí o meu regime. Sim, pois o primeiro passo para quem decide começar uma dieta é, antes de mais nada, escolher entre os milhares de métodos de regimes à disposição. Logo eu que gosto de (quase) tudo. . . Que como (quase) tudo. . Como até aquele queijo do Mc Donald`s que é feito do mesmo material da caixinha em que vem o sanduíche.

Mas vamos às dietas. Tem a dieta do Amir Klink; onze meses na Antártida.

Esta dieta tem um problema: Além de emagrecer, causa espinha no rosto, e faz cabelos aparecerem nas mãos. Segundo alguns até pode levar à cegueira.

Tem ainda a famosa dieta do Abacaxi, na qual você só pode comer um abacaxi por dia durante uma semana. Na segunda-feira de manhã te dão sete abacaxis mas não dão a faca. É tiro e queda!

O gordo vive eternamente revoltado com a natureza. Porque só a cerveja dá barriga? Porque alface não dá barriga? Porque agrião não dá celulite?

Está tudo errado no mundo, menos o pastel do Álvaro`s.

O primeiro sentimento de quem começa uma dieta é o de revolta. A vida passa a ser igual comida de hospital - não tem graça nenhuma. Dá vontade de acabar com tudo, a começar pelo que tem na geladeira, continuando a fúria devastadora de Gengis Khan até a loja de doces que colocaram na esquina só pra te sacanear.

O emagreando (ou regimando), é um indivíduo macambúzio, triste e cabisbaixo. Para ele nada faz sentido, só uma empadinha. A balança, depois da roleta do ônibus, é a sua maior inimiga.

No geral, todas as dietas seguem o mesmo princípio: Nada que é gostoso pode! E o pior são os médicos de dieta querendo convencer você das delícias do chuchu, do sabor da cenoura, que um tomate no lanche substitui um Big Bob`s e que o chá de camomila relaxa mais que um chopp.

Só quem ganha com os regimes são os médicos de dieta, que devem gastar todo o dinheiro em banquetes monumentais, em porres homéricos nos congressos que eles organizam só pra contar piada, comer de tudo e zombar dos pacientes que eles deixaram suspirando na frente de uma folha de alface.

Mas como você não consegue emagrecer, o jeito é ir para um Spa. Alguns indivíduos têm de ser trancados em jaulas para agüentar a rotina do Spa. Num Spa um irmão esfaqueia o outro por causa de uma bomba de chocolate, o marido estrangula a esposa por um cream-cracker. Fugitivos destes campos de alimentação, quando conseguem escapar dos cães farejadores de comida, andam quilômetros para buscar refúgio na padaria mais próxima. Quando voltam para casa, vários quilos mais magros, cheios de rugas e cicatrizes, trazem a marca de quem escapou vivo do inferno e mais tarde, nas noites frias de inverno,  contam para seus netinhos como pagaram uma fortuna por um cheese-burguer sem catchup!

Comida pra ser boa tem que fazer mal, dar dor de barriga: Mocotó, feijoada, leitão à pururuca, rabada, xinxim de galinha, vatapá, caruru, bobó, barreado, virado à paulista, baconzitos, cheesitos, doritos, pizza, batata frita de latinha,  cheeseeggtudoburguer com molho e sem alface, bacalhau à zé do pipo, salame, salchichão e, é claro, o porco como um todo! Isso sim é que é comida de verdade!

Comida só funciona com culpa. E tem mais: Se a gula é um pecado, o inferno deve ser ótimo pra fazer churrasco.

Ninguém no sábado depois do almoço bate na barriga satisfeito e vai puxar um ronco depois de comer uma salada. Ninguém convida um amigo: "Vai sábado lá em casa que vai ter alfaçada".

É mais fácil perder um amigo se você fizer um convite desses do que os 30 quilos que estão sobrando!"

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29 comentários:

Priscila disse...

Oi Bibi,
O segredo de verdade para manter o corpo esbelto depois da dieta é aprender a se comportar diante da comida 365 dias por ano.. mesmo em feriados ou na segunda-feira. Facil não é, mas que o segredo é esse não tenho duvidas.

bjs

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Passei para te desejar um 2010 maravilhoso com muito amor, saude, união e prosperidade.

beijos

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Oiii!Parabéns pelo seu Blog!

Continue assim!

E Feliz Ano Novo!

Q Nesse Novo Ano vc consiga realizar seus sonhos!

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